So we just got back from Spokane last night. Had a nice time with the family but I was so happy when I turned off the highway onto our driveway. I saw the porch light flicker through the trees and I swear my heart skipped a beat. All the girls were already in bed so I waited tell this morning to go see them. All are happy and healthy although it rained all day today and they were all inside to stay dry.
So what did I learn? I learned that life is always changing. I know that Nick is now grown and has his own family and I will never be as close to him now as I once was. I miss him so much and yet I love it here and don't want to go back to Spokane. I wish my family would just move here. Then I could have it all. Reality is though the last few years I lived in Spokane I hardly saw Nick or Pam. Mostly just communicated by email with both.
I guess me living far away won't make me feel sad that they don't have time in their lives for me anymore. After all I am the one who left so I can't feel that I was the one being rejected anymore.
My mom told me on Friday that she just wants to live 2 more years. That way she will have her 50th wedding anniversary. Then she is ready to go. I get so sad even thinking about that. She may be ready to go but I am not ready for her to go. I have a fear that when she is gone then Pam and I will not see each other again. When I lose my mom I will lose everything.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Sky kept asking people what they were most thankful for...I guess I am most thankful for all the memories from when I was younger and had my whole family around me. At the time I hated all those family Thanksgiving dinners with all the aunts, uncles and cousins but now, I do miss them.
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